The pains...

I am constantly wishing my brain would stop hurting me.

ONE YEAR UNTIL WE SEE MARTY MCFLY AND DOC BROWN

Music is what feelings sound like.

Stupid...

I missed National Coming Out Day.
I don't know if that matters yet.  I don't want to go to school.  I like learning but school makes me sad...I don't know why or I do and I'm being lazy.  It feels like I'm doing a lot of work to get just an Honors Bachelors Degree and not coming out with a job or more opportunities.  I think it's the fact that I have to write this dang thesis.  It's too much.  I feel like it's not going to matter.  I've seen better students than me not get into any of the schools they wanted to.  So how the heck am I suppose to?  It seems like you get more out of life by just being a really sociable and extroverted than actually knowing anything.

Life is stupid.

I don't know...

I don't know why things have to change...like I know that responsibilities are expected to be with held as you age, but I can't figure out the dynamics of couples and their relationships and what is expected or in general in this American life, what is expected.  Like why can't you sleep over peoples houses after your marry someone?  Why can't you go out and do things without telling them?  Why can't you just be who you were before them?  And this really just goes beyond marital status.  Just things in general change so much into this really illogical trapped version of what we were before.  Do we all have to turn into the same thing?  The same copy after copy?  What if I don't want to marry anybody...but then all my friends will be and I can't hang out with them.  What if I want two husbands or a wife? or a wife and a husband?  What if we just share mutual awesome respect? Again though...relationships are just part of this insanity. I don't know....I really hate this.  I just want things to be different.  Always different.  I don't know why I am never satisfied with really anything.  Where did this come from?  Why should I expect anything?  I mean really...if being molested isn't enough...why is expecting things to get better what I think may happen?  This stupid hope?  I don't understand.  I don't understand anything.  The more I learn about life, the less I feel like I know.  I don't know if I want to be part of this anymore.