Excuses, really...

I found out last night that I didn’t get into grad school (I only applied to one place.  I didn’t even think I was going to have the money to apply).  I am bummed out even though I assumed this was going to happen.
My application was completed on time but not early and my last recommendation waited 2 months to send it in.  My grades were above cut off, I am in a honors program which means they count for more anyway, I’m ethnic, and I’m low income. What’s not to like?  Anyway…I’m making excuses that may have nothing to do with it because I feel blegh.  I wanted a masters degree but I guess I’m going to be doing something else for the next year. I am continuing school mostly just because I love learning, but it doesn’t have as much to do with my dream job anymore.  Psychology is fascinating and I will continue school hopefully next year, but I still dream about making movies everyday.  I even thought for the first time recently that it would be fun to do tv shows.  Music videos!  I just am not sure how I am going to get there.

I have to call the new psychiatrist.
Getting better is the first step…
I just wish I already was.

I wish I could write with someone sometimes, but I'm really protective of my ideas.  This isn't because I think people will steal from me, but I constantly feel like everyone's ideas are better than mine, and if I start collaborating, I will feel out beat.  Always.  It's a stupid self conscious thing that I hate.  I could probably make something so much better with a second writer, but I will just feel like it was completely their idea and I won't want to be part of it anymore.

I really need to just get on meds.  I am blah. 

Always so blah.

I DID IT...

I graduated from college yesterday.

 4/30/15

I am an alumni.

IT SOUNDS SO STRANGE.

It hasn't hit me yet though.  The actual feeling of graduating.  I don't know why it hasn't hit me.  It needs to hit me so I can be really inspired and happy and feel good and feel accomplished.  I don't like when my body doesn't want emotion...I know I say I don't, but then that leaves out the happiness in things too.  

I actually don't know what all my final grades or grade point average is.  Hopefully I had enough A's this semester that it bumped it up a final time to cum laude.  I took 16 credits this semester.  I know for thesis it was incomplete before, but I think since I've turned it in now (YES I FINALLY TURNED IN MY THESIS PAPER, OMG IT WAS CRAZY, WITH HAVING THE WRONG PAPER, AND MANFRIEND MAKING A BOX OUT OF THINGS AT WALMART AND DRIVING AROUND) my advisor will hopefully change the grade from before and I can get a 3.5.  I just don't know how all those credits factor in because 16 is a lot to account for.  I will be very close nonetheless.  

So for the next few weeks or so, I am going to just try and enjoy my summer.  I have a couple things planned but haven't made a summer to do list yet.  I do plan pet sitting for money though because it just seems fun and then I'll have money to buy some running shoes and for gas to go see my friend in South Carolina.  It says on the website how much these people are willing to pay for people to watch their pets but I just don't know if it's correct.  It's such a long period of time, like 3 days, and they want to pay you that much for every hour.  It just can't be right.  If it is, then YESSSSSSSSS.

Anyway, I just hope to have lots of fun for the rest of my life with happiness.  

I may be asking for too much....

OH WELL. 

GIVE IT TO ME, LIFE.