So I'm typing this up on my new computer I bought courtesy of school money, but it's been freezing up a lot, or rather being laggy and it's making me mad. I don't know if I have to call and ask about how to set it up properly or something but it needs to quit it. I have spent way too much money on this for it to be laggy.
In other news, I'm about half way done with my masters. Not having a lot of fun like usual and feeling so much self doubt that I want to scream everyday all day all the time. We just hit the summer semester and I just finished my first year of substituting. It was really fun at times but mostly irritating so I don't think I want to do it again. I think I might keep the job though for random days but as my only job, it's not something I enjoy so much. The kids are the best and worst part about the job, but mostly I have problems with bureaucratic nonsense that fills the schools. We moved, again, and I am currently residing at Manfriend's house in the room next to his. I pay basically utilities in rent, and it's nice having my own room but I feel lost. No particular place feels like home anymore and it makes me feel like a wandering ghost. I float about to different places, homes and buildings pretending I'm suppose to be somewhere. My housing situation should change again soon if we end up moving into a new house but I think my family would prefer if I don't move back in; my mom if we are being specific. Since the substituting job ends at the end of the school year, I am back to applying for work. It's kind of awful. I am in a situation where I either have too much education, not enough experience, or don't fit the criteria. This is true for jobs that don't pay anything and have high turn over. I am still not being hired. The only reason the substituting job worked out is because they literally take everyone as long as you don't have a criminal record.
So the one cool thing about this computer (please stop lagging) is that I bought it because I needed a computer to work as I am an online student, but also mainly, I want to edit films with it. I downloaded a free editor the other day and started editing again and I almost cried it was so glorious. I always remember why I want to make movies when I start editing. You really get to see the results at that point in the film process. Unfortunately, this program when exporting leaves a watermark so I uninstalled it and am planning on getting Adobe Premiere Pro CC as soon as I can afford it. I have a video I have to edit together for a friend and it will be my longest I have ever put together which tops at around an hour. There isn't a lot of editing that is needed because it is suppose to be very raw and home movie like, but it will still be fun to surprise her with the end result. I may have lost some of the footage during the move a few months ago though so I'm a little worried about all of it. Yay anxiety.
Another thing I wanted to focus on is writing. I want to publish a book at some point. I am really just not feeling school anymore. I have had so many problems in college that have nothing to do with the actual classes that I feel like your grades are not really a determinant of anything. It's more like, can you survive all the nonsense of the U.S. education system and come out feeling like your ready to work. I kind of want to drop out but I've spent so much money it would be such a waste to do it. I really wanted to keep going to school past my masters, even a ph.d., but I can't stand the way schools are run.
This has been a gigantic rant of nonsense.
In other news, I'm about half way done with my masters. Not having a lot of fun like usual and feeling so much self doubt that I want to scream everyday all day all the time. We just hit the summer semester and I just finished my first year of substituting. It was really fun at times but mostly irritating so I don't think I want to do it again. I think I might keep the job though for random days but as my only job, it's not something I enjoy so much. The kids are the best and worst part about the job, but mostly I have problems with bureaucratic nonsense that fills the schools. We moved, again, and I am currently residing at Manfriend's house in the room next to his. I pay basically utilities in rent, and it's nice having my own room but I feel lost. No particular place feels like home anymore and it makes me feel like a wandering ghost. I float about to different places, homes and buildings pretending I'm suppose to be somewhere. My housing situation should change again soon if we end up moving into a new house but I think my family would prefer if I don't move back in; my mom if we are being specific. Since the substituting job ends at the end of the school year, I am back to applying for work. It's kind of awful. I am in a situation where I either have too much education, not enough experience, or don't fit the criteria. This is true for jobs that don't pay anything and have high turn over. I am still not being hired. The only reason the substituting job worked out is because they literally take everyone as long as you don't have a criminal record.
So the one cool thing about this computer (please stop lagging) is that I bought it because I needed a computer to work as I am an online student, but also mainly, I want to edit films with it. I downloaded a free editor the other day and started editing again and I almost cried it was so glorious. I always remember why I want to make movies when I start editing. You really get to see the results at that point in the film process. Unfortunately, this program when exporting leaves a watermark so I uninstalled it and am planning on getting Adobe Premiere Pro CC as soon as I can afford it. I have a video I have to edit together for a friend and it will be my longest I have ever put together which tops at around an hour. There isn't a lot of editing that is needed because it is suppose to be very raw and home movie like, but it will still be fun to surprise her with the end result. I may have lost some of the footage during the move a few months ago though so I'm a little worried about all of it. Yay anxiety.
Another thing I wanted to focus on is writing. I want to publish a book at some point. I am really just not feeling school anymore. I have had so many problems in college that have nothing to do with the actual classes that I feel like your grades are not really a determinant of anything. It's more like, can you survive all the nonsense of the U.S. education system and come out feeling like your ready to work. I kind of want to drop out but I've spent so much money it would be such a waste to do it. I really wanted to keep going to school past my masters, even a ph.d., but I can't stand the way schools are run.
This has been a gigantic rant of nonsense.
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