Oof. I let it be months again. I honestly just forget. I don't even know what to write. I'm at my friend's Mom's house watching their dogs and just finished watching Moonstruck. I have a list of films that I'm trying to watch some of and that was one of them. It was silly. I miss the old style of filming where you can see a lot of the sets and it feels very organic. So it's not like you are watching a movie, but just kind of peaking into someone's life for a bit. It makes it almost seem more real. I think it's the way the camera is positioned maybe. I'm not sure though, but it's really interesting. I was at a wedding last weekend and it was really fun. I did start to dissociate though and act odd. I could feel it happening but I couldn't stop it. A really old friend happened to be there too which was so strange. It felt like my past was coming to physically say hello. I couldn't stop thinking about that feeling for days. I think I need therapy again. Not therapy for things that have happened before, but therapy for things in the present and possible future. I am having trouble existing. I don't understand it and it feels...like nothing. Like I'm emotionless almost. I start to not feel strongly about anything so I don't want to do anything. It's not quite numb but just blah-ish. And then when I come out of it for a few seconds or minutes or some amount of time, I am really mad at myself for wasting my own time. I feel like I'm aging too quickly and I can't remember things sometimes.
I'm scared.
I'm scared.