How has it been five years.... what...
I am in a different decade of birthdays. I can't remember what I talked about last but I'll have to go back and look. My life is different but not in the way I'd hope for.
I don't know how to even talk about all of it. I live in an apartment now. I moved in December to a new city. Not to far really though. Would have like to move further I think but I really was just following the work. An unfortunate thing really. My apartment is really nice though. I have a cat that I may have written about as I have had him for five years now. He just turned 10. I got a dog last year. She is a handful but very cute. I think I was jobless last time I posted which I'm about to hit a year at this job I have now. I don't like it anymore though and am working on finding something else. I need something artistic in my life so maybe something with that. I actually work in my field which is weird. Lot of fun things to it but company I work for is a mess and unethical.
I visited New York City finally with Mom in October. I was really sick for it but it was intense for me. She finally took me and I think that made her so happy. It was a surreal experience.
I got really sick last year too mentally and was hospitalized again for 5 and half days. Started new meds but they had really bad side effects so I am on nothing now but as needed stuff. That is something that I am realizing I am never going to really be able to deal with perfectly. I just am this way.
New Years I decided I need to try therapy again. There are a lot of things about myself that I do from past trauma and what not that I don't want to do and I need to deal with. It's weird being so sick of yourself and how you act. I want to change that.
I found out last year too that I have some chronic health issues. I am working with doctors to try and control the damage they have done to me in the last 10 years but I haven't made a lot of progress. I have to keep trying I guess.
I think that's the general issue I have. I need to actually do the things that I say I am going to. And with some consistency.
Anyway, there's a tiny insight into the last year. Something really bad happened too but I don't want to type it.
Goodnight, for now.
