5 Years...

How has it been five years.... what...

I am in a different decade of birthdays. I can't remember what I talked about last but I'll have to go back and look.  My life is different but not in the way I'd hope for.  

I don't know how to even talk about all of it.  I live in an apartment now.  I moved in December to a new city.  Not to far really though.  Would have like to move further I think but I really was just following the work.  An unfortunate thing really.  My apartment is really nice though. I have a cat that I may have written about as I have had him for five years now.  He just turned 10.  I got a dog last year.  She is a handful but very cute.  I think I was jobless last time I posted which I'm about to hit a year at this job I have now.  I don't like it anymore though and am working on finding something else.  I need something artistic in my life so maybe something with that.  I actually work in my field which is weird.  Lot of fun things to it but company I work for is a mess and unethical.  

I visited New York City finally with Mom in October.  I was really sick for it but it was intense for me.  She finally took me and I think that made her so happy.  It was a surreal experience.

I got really sick last year too mentally and was hospitalized again for 5 and half days.  Started new meds but they had really bad side effects so I am on nothing now but as needed stuff.  That is something that I am realizing I am never going to really be able to deal with perfectly.  I just am this way.  

New Years I decided I need to try therapy again.  There are a lot of things about myself that I do from past trauma and what not that I don't want to do and I need to deal with.  It's weird being so sick of yourself and how you act.  I want to change that.  

I found out last year too that I have some chronic health issues.  I am working with doctors to try and control the damage they have done to me in the last 10 years but I haven't made a lot of progress.  I have to keep trying I guess. 

I think that's the general issue I have.  I need to actually do the things that I say I am going to.  And with some consistency.

Anyway, there's a tiny insight into the last year.  Something really bad happened too but I don't want to type it.

Goodnight, for now.