In the name of Healthcare...

I had a test today and then headed out to get some of my Dad's errands done.  We headed to his friends work to get papers signed and I got to walk around a beach side condo and the penthouse! I enjoyed the building and the envious view and I may or may not have snooped around the house.   Then we headed out for lunch and had fish sandwiches that were awesome near the beach.  Then we headed to the healthcare building which happened to have awesome architecture.  Then the long drive home.  I need to travel.  I go out of the city to a few places and I'm already amazed.  I also forgot how much I love taking pictures of things.  I wish I had the time...

In all of us...

I kinda feel like I still can't like the things I want to like without someone, a friend or family member, making fun of me for it.  It's so ridiculous.  Let me like things without making a big deal out of it.  I am scared to be myself.  It's sad and annoying and depressing.  WITH THIS. I need to remember that if I want people to treat me this way, that I need to treat them this way too.  I think part of the reason I do react negatively at times is because I'm already put off by something rude or mean the other person said...but still.  I need to be more open and loving even if they are not.

With that...I need to buy some headphones and listen to more jams.  I miss music.  It's hard to look for stuff when you are always tired and wanting to be asleep.  It's really hard to do anything actually except for school work.  Today was nice though.  I should have studied but some besties came over and we watched Captain America: Winter Soldier, which was so good.  Better than the first by far.  I kinda of want to be Winter Soldier for Halloween now.  Too bad I don't have the money to create an awesome metal arm and get his whole suit.  One day though.  That movie made me want to get into shape so badly and learn how to fight.  The Dark Knight movies make me feel that way too.

Let's be real....

I just want to be a super hero.

Dang weird...

I think about graduating this year a lot.  I'm hoping it revives my goals in life or something.  I still remember how good it felt to graduate from high school.  It actually threw me off when I did.  I was really sad to leave and still don't like that I did, but I felt accomplished....and that's a really rare feeling for me.  I didn't think I'd feel that way.  I really hope I feel it again.  I don't know if I'll be able to continue on to graduate school without feeling like I'm moving forward in my life in some way or another.  It's becoming painfully obvious to me that money is the only way that I will ever break into the film industry.  I am too shy to apply anywhere and lack the motivation or endurance to write a full script.  Do I have ideas? YES.  Which is great and I'm happy about, but they mean nothing if I can't express them.  It seems like a lot of things don't mean much if you can't show for it unfortunately.  I love the idea of writing songs.  I think of lyrics quite often but I don't know how to write music.  It seems I need help to complete numerous things.  I'd really like to produce a song some day with my voice and instrumentals.  That would be so lovely.

As far as my brain goes,  I seem to be doing worse.  It's so weird being a Psych major and having psychological disorders.  It makes everything really complicated and clear at the same time.  I have a primary doctor's appointment on Tuesday to check bodily things out.  I was just at an Urgent Care and found out I have Bronchitis and am on lots of meds plus asthma nebulizer stuffs. So we will see what she says about my general health on Tuesday.  I want to ask about how much I should weigh.  I've never asked a doctor that before and I'm wondering if they will have a clear response.  I also have found that within the doctors that I go to, I think there is a psychiatrist available that may take my insurance.  That would be really fantastic if it is true.  I need to get on  some head meds again as soon as possible.  It's so weird to be able to observe your own insanity but not be able to control it.  It's so dang weird.