WELCOME DOC BROWN AND MARTY MCFLY

And so it is...

I always think to type "it's been awhile.." or something to that nature because I always take these several month breaks before I write something else.  Honestly though, I have wanted to write more on here but we didn't have internet...so of course we do now.  For how long, I do not know.  In any case, I was just reading through my old movie reviews and I really miss doing those and I should do more of them.  I am not home as often as I'd like to be though and my glorious old laptop can't serve as a mobile device any longer.  I can't risk destroying its existence.  So if I end up doing more, it probably won't be nearly as often.

One thing that I'm proud of myself for doing that I hadn't had the chance to while in college is read for pleasure.  I read A LOT in college, but for school related purpose and not anything I chose (not that I didn't ever enjoy what I read).  But starting this past summer, I started reading things I felt like I should have read and have continued to do so.  So I went from reading only a few books if that in the summer, to reading, well what am I at now... I actually am not sure.  I started going to library again and finally was able to get a library card, and that has really helped with the amount of books I have access to read.  I have books, they are just packed.  I think I'm probably on my 9th book since starting late in the summer, perhaps July-ish.  Not that I couldn't have read more, but I do take breaks and am taking a chem course with lab.  My book choices have been really interesting too.  I'm going through a southern novel stitch right now and it's lovely.  At first it was a young adults Native American story To Walk Two Moons, then The Road, The Outsiders, Water For Chocolate, This Side of Paradise, 1602, which is a comic book, To Kill a Mocking Bird, Their Eyes Were Watching God, and I'm reading now the new Harper Lee book, Go Set A Watchman.  I'm just really excited about it.  I have several more in line that are considered "classics".  I just wanted to catch up on things I feel like I should have read but also have the freedom to read what I want to read.  I've liked them all for different reasons though so far, so I'm enjoying myself thoroughly.  I am in the process of trying to do a book club because I constantly want to talk about what I read with people, but most people have either read the book and don't remember it as detailed as I do because I had just read it, or have not read it.  A friend of mine agreed to have tea and book clubbin' on Fridays with me but she is very busy with two jobs so I don't have much faith in it.  I hope it works out though.  I just really like reading and I wish I had more friends to engage with me in it.  This is similar in movies, but I don't always feel as inclined to talk to people about movies.  I never really realized that until now.  I want them to experience it, but I'm not exactly jumping up and down for a reaction.  I just want them to see it is all.  I don't think that means I don't like movies as much, I just am content with how I feel about it I guess. I don't know.  With that, I unfortunately don't have as much access to movies as I use to so I haven't been keeping up with that which makes me sad.  I use to watch at least 3 films a week and now it's rare.  I don't have netflix or other means right now...so I will just be sad...right here...typing...weh.

I had an idea of what I wanted to write about before I started and I can't remember.  EH.

OHHHH.  Was it Halloween?  Probably.  I've been so over the top about it since summer, I'm sure that's what it was.  That has to be about what it was.  I have several ideas of what I want to be this year that could even be used for future cons that I could go to if I ever have money ever in my life.  This year, I was thinking of being Marty McFly dressed in his 2015 clothes as it is 2015 and he and Doc will be arriving this month on the 21st.  I think they are putting the movie in theaters again on that date, and I want to go dressed as such.  I found a website that sells the shoes and jacket and hat, but I'm not sure if I can get them yet.  If not, I kinda put it in my head already that this would not be possible, so I'm not too saddened by it.  I made some money this summer, and I was going to use it on a new computer (depending on how much I had made by the end) or on saving up slowly for a computer and using it for Halloween things because I'm obsessed with this holiday and all things encompassing. But my family ended up needing basically all of it, so I am broke...again. Weh. 

HAllowEEn though.. Omg. Marty McFly, Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas, a Voodoo doll, some kind of mystical wolf or bird creature...I'm not sure.   I really wanted to hide my face this year but we will see.

End of Line.

GUSH...

I just read the kids some of my old stories I had started and some poems I had done and they really enjoyed them and wanted to hear more.  It made me feel really good about things I had done in the past and about the potential to do better and continue the stories and writing.  They made me feel a good kind of nostalgia when I read them, which is so incredibly rare for me.  Nostalgia, in general, is my enemy, but not in these moments.  It felt so good to read them again.  Even the not so great written ones.  The stories felt solid though.  I was kinda proud at first and then felt so much more when the kids expressed they liked them.  They really made  my night.

THEY ARE THE BEST.

Excuses, really...

I found out last night that I didn’t get into grad school (I only applied to one place.  I didn’t even think I was going to have the money to apply).  I am bummed out even though I assumed this was going to happen.
My application was completed on time but not early and my last recommendation waited 2 months to send it in.  My grades were above cut off, I am in a honors program which means they count for more anyway, I’m ethnic, and I’m low income. What’s not to like?  Anyway…I’m making excuses that may have nothing to do with it because I feel blegh.  I wanted a masters degree but I guess I’m going to be doing something else for the next year. I am continuing school mostly just because I love learning, but it doesn’t have as much to do with my dream job anymore.  Psychology is fascinating and I will continue school hopefully next year, but I still dream about making movies everyday.  I even thought for the first time recently that it would be fun to do tv shows.  Music videos!  I just am not sure how I am going to get there.

I have to call the new psychiatrist.
Getting better is the first step…
I just wish I already was.

I wish I could write with someone sometimes, but I'm really protective of my ideas.  This isn't because I think people will steal from me, but I constantly feel like everyone's ideas are better than mine, and if I start collaborating, I will feel out beat.  Always.  It's a stupid self conscious thing that I hate.  I could probably make something so much better with a second writer, but I will just feel like it was completely their idea and I won't want to be part of it anymore.

I really need to just get on meds.  I am blah. 

Always so blah.

I DID IT...

I graduated from college yesterday.

 4/30/15

I am an alumni.

IT SOUNDS SO STRANGE.

It hasn't hit me yet though.  The actual feeling of graduating.  I don't know why it hasn't hit me.  It needs to hit me so I can be really inspired and happy and feel good and feel accomplished.  I don't like when my body doesn't want emotion...I know I say I don't, but then that leaves out the happiness in things too.  

I actually don't know what all my final grades or grade point average is.  Hopefully I had enough A's this semester that it bumped it up a final time to cum laude.  I took 16 credits this semester.  I know for thesis it was incomplete before, but I think since I've turned it in now (YES I FINALLY TURNED IN MY THESIS PAPER, OMG IT WAS CRAZY, WITH HAVING THE WRONG PAPER, AND MANFRIEND MAKING A BOX OUT OF THINGS AT WALMART AND DRIVING AROUND) my advisor will hopefully change the grade from before and I can get a 3.5.  I just don't know how all those credits factor in because 16 is a lot to account for.  I will be very close nonetheless.  

So for the next few weeks or so, I am going to just try and enjoy my summer.  I have a couple things planned but haven't made a summer to do list yet.  I do plan pet sitting for money though because it just seems fun and then I'll have money to buy some running shoes and for gas to go see my friend in South Carolina.  It says on the website how much these people are willing to pay for people to watch their pets but I just don't know if it's correct.  It's such a long period of time, like 3 days, and they want to pay you that much for every hour.  It just can't be right.  If it is, then YESSSSSSSSS.

Anyway, I just hope to have lots of fun for the rest of my life with happiness.  

I may be asking for too much....

OH WELL. 

GIVE IT TO ME, LIFE.