So I filled out some things for a potential job today. I'm pretty terrified of the requirements but I really need a job. I don't plan on taking it if the pay is much less than what I make teaching but the hours are suppose to be 12 hr shifts which potentially means I'd only be working 3 days a week. I like that because I'd rather be there for most of 3 days and than not have to come to work for 4 days. I have been having so much trouble getting a job for more than just the fact that the job market is kinda terrible right now. The amount of anxiety that builds up when even looking for work is immense. I keep thinking about all the things I can't do and all the things I can't say. I think about how I had an anxiety attack that lasted like 30 minutes when I started my internship and how I will probably have another one and end up just losing my job. I don't know how to explain to people my mental issues without sounding like I'm trying to make excuses for not doing things. And then brain starts telling me, Sorry mate, you are making excuses and you're a mess, and then I cry and fall asleep. It's a weird circle of blah.
So I've been playing a lot of video games lately and watching Parks and Rec and those things make me happy. But I just start feeling like a lazy butt and I get upset about that and apparently I can't do anything without feeling guilty about it. It goes as far as feeling bad for sleeping. I am not on medicine that I am suppose to be on right now besides a nose spray thing because I have chronic nasal issues that I will probably need surgery for some day, I need to get on finding a new psychiatrist. I have a new primary which is a good step and she seems really good at what she does. Next week, or some time soon, I'm going in for a kidney scan to make sure everything is good (because apparently I might be missing one) and then I'm suppose to get a physical I think two weeks from now. I'm trying to get better. I have a lot of ailments and it's annoying and tiring and I just want to feel better.
I feel like I'm always whining....ehh I'm terrible.
So I've been playing a lot of video games lately and watching Parks and Rec and those things make me happy. But I just start feeling like a lazy butt and I get upset about that and apparently I can't do anything without feeling guilty about it. It goes as far as feeling bad for sleeping. I am not on medicine that I am suppose to be on right now besides a nose spray thing because I have chronic nasal issues that I will probably need surgery for some day, I need to get on finding a new psychiatrist. I have a new primary which is a good step and she seems really good at what she does. Next week, or some time soon, I'm going in for a kidney scan to make sure everything is good (because apparently I might be missing one) and then I'm suppose to get a physical I think two weeks from now. I'm trying to get better. I have a lot of ailments and it's annoying and tiring and I just want to feel better.
I feel like I'm always whining....ehh I'm terrible.
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