So I went to the Humane Society with Manfriend today.

Cloudy is really with someone else now.

I hate myself and the inevitable sense of my life.

I've been on a movie watching Frenzy.

Rules of Attraction was pretty darn good.
I wonder how I would deal with college if it was like that.
The main character was great.

More movies soon.
Morrowind for now!!!!!!!!

I have random bouts of crying because I think of Cloudy.

I hate them for taking her.

The local animal shelter has my cat…
but someone adopted her and they won’t tell me who.
So the lady said she would ask her supervisor if she would call the people and tell them.
I want her back. Now.

I have a feeling the supervisor is not going to.

I have a feeling I have lost her forever.

Everyone keeps saying at least she's alive.

I keep saying, she was supposed to be with me.  She was supposed to be with me for all her days.


No control over anything.

Sometimes I like to plan future events.

For instance, I have a masquerade party that  I've dreamed of having forever.  I also have this party in Paris that I planned.  Mostly it was part of a day dream that I had.  I have a dissociative thing that I do and I can really part myself from the world.  I use to do it all the time in high school.  Not so much now because I don't get as much time to, but I remember I'd do it a lot.  It was a real day dream.

I'm all over the place today.

Sandy told me I should make signs to try to help find Cloudy.  I think I will.

Today I saw my Dad's friend's home.  It's a tiny room with a tiny kitchen and a door to a bedroom.  There was another very similar to it.  I feel like I'd like to have my own little home like that.

I've been writing this message for hours.  Watched a really sad movie in between.  I'm completely a wreck and in tears.

Is it strange that I think I'd be much more intriguing and attractive if I had an English accent?
I'm going to move away to somewhere different and change my accent and try it out.  I think I'm quite good at an English one in particular so I think I shall stick to it.

I think Cloudy ran away for real...to die that is...

She was really sick and I hadn't had the time to take her to the doctor....

I feel so bad and I hate myself more everyday.

She is 14. She is old and perfect and cranky but perfect and silly and I want her back. 

... she's gone.

Yes