I need to vent really quick.
My older brother is an asshole to the highest and widest degree.
He is mean and selfish and no...just fucking no.
But he is mean in that weird way where he decides randomly to be selfish and mean but  acts normal and you can get along with him.  Backstabber.
Everyone in my family thinks he is amazing though because he is so smart and just got a wonderful job and supports himself.
I don't care how smart you are if you are a mean person.
I don't care how good you are at math and science and random ass shit if you are a bad fucking person.
It shouldn't matter. It should not fucking matter.

I know I am jealous of how easy life is for him.... and I can admit school is harder for me....but I don't feel like I would betray my family the way he does...and if I did, I would not hear the end of it. I would not be forgiven. I know this because my brother has done really mean things and everyone just forgets...me other the hand does not receive the same treatment.  We both have had mental break downs.  He received love and understanding.  I was told I would get better with meds and didn't discuss much more about it.  I didn't get better. I will never get better because I am sick in the head.
I don't understand it though. Why can't they treat me like him?

The only solace I have is he does not live with us anymore.

I'm sorry...I just needed to write this somewhere.