What

I think I finally fixed my schedule.

One class I'm still deciding on but besides that it looks okay.  I go to school far too many times though which is incredibly unfortunate.  So I'm taking several Psychology courses and watercolor.

I'm listening to amazing music from Deus Ex and it's becoming more and more difficult to write this post.

Okay. It's over now.

I kinda want to film some commercials to get a feel for the camera with that PSA.  Just feeling out the cam.  I really want to shoot a slow motion scene but I have to get a hold of Sony Vegas to do some editing and it probably won't run on my laptop anymore because of the amount of stuff I have on here.

I need to sleep.  I had a weird sub sleep session when I got back from school today.  I think it was because I didn't eat anything.  I was dizzy but not really and couldn't feel very well. So I laid completely under my blanket for a long while and finally fell asleep. I had weird dreams about ghost dogs and owls.

When I woke up, I felt like I almost died for some reason and it made me worry that I hadn't said everything I wanted to say to people.  But I still feel that sad pathetic ache not to say anything. 

What.

First day of Spring Semester tomorrow.

Not excited. EXCEPT. I will probably be seeing Manfriend between classes to go see a movie.

YES.

PSA

I finally figured out what my first film project with my new camera will be.

I had been thinking about making a PSA for suicide in teens and I totalllllly can do it now.

It won't be expensive and it's short so I don't have to stress about too many lines or scenes and such.

YESSS. 

Just have to plan on where it will be shot, how many people would be willing to do it and I'm able to get and then pick the music.

I still need to buy the lcd screen and figure out what editing program to use...ugh and buy the connecting wire thing...

I forgot about all that.

Christmas 2012

It's Christmas! Kids had a lot of great presents and heading to my Gram's later for lunch/dinner.

I don't know why I feel sad, but I do.  I don't want to. I want to be really happy today.  Christmas is my favorite holiday, but a very thick blanket of sadness is over me. I am solemn and quiet.  I keep faking this smile.  I am happy for everyone but I want to be in this moment with them.  I don't want to watch it happen.  I really want to be here. 

What is wrong with me?

I did a lot of Christmas shopping online and in the stores.  Still don't have everything I need but certainly getting there.  I've spent more than I've spent in a long time.  I keep wanting to get more for everyone but I have to budget myself.  I mean I did, just as soon as I started actually purchasing things I kept finding more things that I thought would be perfect for the person.  It's getting tough.  I  like buying stuff for people to show my love because I don't know how to express myself.

I just got into a misunderstood argument with my Mom. All of them are pretty much us misunderstanding each other. Blegh.

I need sleep.

So I went to the Humane Society with Manfriend today.

Cloudy is really with someone else now.

I hate myself and the inevitable sense of my life.

I've been on a movie watching Frenzy.

Rules of Attraction was pretty darn good.
I wonder how I would deal with college if it was like that.
The main character was great.

More movies soon.
Morrowind for now!!!!!!!!